Frozen Words

She loves him differently. She loves him like you love looking at rainbows, like you love singings songs in the shower like you love weekend mornings. She loves him like that. Like his eyes are the ones where she wants to get lost in like his smile is the only thing that keeps her smile alive, like his voice is the only thing she can never get tired of hearing, like his name, is the only thing that can make her heart happy, like he is the only one she needs by her side while looking at sunrises and sunsets. Loving him is hard. It's like waking up early in the morning knowing that you didn’t even get 2 hours of sleep. It's like living in a world where there is no way you can see what’s in front of you, you just have to simply keep walking, being ready for anything at all times. Loving him is like trying so hard to tell yourself that it's okay but still knowing inside that it never will be. Loving him is like surviving in a war. It's like that breath you have to tak...

A few days back, I was going through an old file I kept with all the letters to my future self and while reading those, I felt like this is crazy. A good kind of crazy. I mean, did I know that there will come a time when I will need those words I wrote a year ago without knowing anything about where I will be in a year or so? It feels really amazing to read it now, feels like I knew I am going to need this. That is when I got the idea to write a poem for the 'old' me. Now, I am 18. So, as a teenager, there are many things which could've gone wrong, which changed me completely. But I want to thank that me who went through everything and still stayed true to herself. There are many things I wish I knew before, many things I wish I told myself but that doesn't mean I regret not knowing them at that time. I listed a few things in the poem below. Things I want her to know, things I want her to believe, things I want her to see and things I wanted her to feel. Dear Old Me...

Its weird, isn’t it? Loving a part of someone. A smile or colour of their eyes but not their soul. I mean, it hurts a little less. Though it gives away so many lies and takes away your soul’s little piece. This blog is about that someone, about that feeling which came while looking in his eyes and hearing him calling my name. He is like a winter morning but right when the sunshine hits your cold body. So peaceful and feels like flying. I loved him. I really really did but did he love me? The question with an answer which changes very frequently. Even though sometimes it feels like he really did love me like he said, after that one session with my counsellor, I doubt him. The thing is, I have been holding all these words for a long time now and I guess, it's finally time that I let it all out. Because it's way heavier than I thought and even though he was my everything once upon a time, now just thought of him feels unfamiliar. There are nights when I miss him like cra...