Frozen Words

She loves him differently. She loves him like you love looking at rainbows, like you love singings songs in the shower like you love weekend mornings. She loves him like that. Like his eyes are the ones where she wants to get lost in like his smile is the only thing that keeps her smile alive, like his voice is the only thing she can never get tired of hearing, like his name, is the only thing that can make her heart happy, like he is the only one she needs by her side while looking at sunrises and sunsets. Loving him is hard. It's like waking up early in the morning knowing that you didn’t even get 2 hours of sleep. It's like living in a world where there is no way you can see what’s in front of you, you just have to simply keep walking, being ready for anything at all times. Loving him is like trying so hard to tell yourself that it's okay but still knowing inside that it never will be. Loving him is like surviving in a war. It's like that breath you have to tak

A few days back, I was going through an old file I kept with all the letters to my future self and while reading those, I felt like this is crazy. A good kind of crazy. I mean, did I know that there will come a time when I will need those words I wrote a year ago without knowing anything about where I will be in a year or so? It feels really amazing to read it now, feels like I knew I am going to need this. That is when I got the idea to write a poem for the 'old' me. Now, I am 18. So, as a teenager, there are many things which could've gone wrong, which changed me completely. But I want to thank that me who went through everything and still stayed true to herself. There are many things I wish I knew before, many things I wish I told myself but that doesn't mean I regret not knowing them at that time. I listed a few things in the poem below. Things I want her to know, things I want her to believe, things I want her to see and things I wanted her to feel. Dear Old Me

Its weird, isn’t it? Loving a part of someone. A smile or colour of their eyes but not their soul. I mean, it hurts a little less. Though it gives away so many lies and takes away your soul’s little piece. This blog is about that someone, about that feeling which came while looking in his eyes and hearing him calling my name. He is like a winter morning but right when the sunshine hits your cold body. So peaceful and feels like flying. I loved him. I really really did but did he love me? The question with an answer which changes very frequently. Even though sometimes it feels like he really did love me like he said, after that one session with my counsellor, I doubt him. The thing is, I have been holding all these words for a long time now and I guess, it's finally time that I let it all out. Because it's way heavier than I thought and even though he was my everything once upon a time, now just thought of him feels unfamiliar. There are nights when I miss him like cra

This is for the ones who are not here anymore. For the ones who gave you so many memories, for the ones who shared million laughs with you and the ones who were there standing by your side. Losing someone is never easy. At that time, you want to hold onto false hope that maybe this all is just a lie. You hope that this is just a nightmare. And you don't believe the truth. Your mind already knows it but your heart never wants to accept it. But then after a while it hits you. So hard. And you just stare at nothing replaying every single time you saw that someone, every single thing you talked about. You read the old texts, you see the call history, you look for them in crowd even after knowing that it's of no use, you look at the stars and wish so many times for them to come back but you know the truth and trust me, you will accept it... it just takes time.  See, after accepting the truth, you start to notice their presence in your heart. You start to realize that they never lef

Do you ever think about everything that has not happened like you wanted it to? You had high hopes from this person and that hope just crashed down on the ground shattering in million pieces. And you are too tired to pick it up, to make an effort one more time, to let that someone know that you are still there, for them. But even after everything, you never stop hoping. Because it's what keeps us alive. Hope gives us reason to believe on something unbelievable. I think hope makes us happy and sad at the time. Here's the poem I wrote for him. Even though he have no idea that it's for him but it's alright. Because I'm hoping that one day he will. I hope that one day he will know what I wanted to say but couldn't. I hope that one day this poem will let him know my heart's unsaid words. The Hope. Loving you is beautiful, A beautiful kind of tragedy. Sometimes I wish I could get away from you, But the hope of 'us' won't let me quit. I look at th

Do we always have to name everything we do? Everything we feel? Or is it okay not to give a title, a headline to the most unforgettable thing in your life? Is it okay just to make memories and leave it at that? Because I think it would be a beautiful combination of love and pain, of a day and starry sky, of daydream and nightmare. I think it's a beautiful moment to just to be by that someone's side, just to feel their presence. I think it is painfully beautiful to be lovers without the name. "Name" We never got a name for us Never let words explain you & me, Just kept calling out lies Hiding truths, we loved secretly. Those long walks Needed no words, just you by my side. Fingers dying to entwine,  Your eyes looking like a book I should not read. Because we knew, This won't go anywhere. We will make memories and promises, And still, end up getting hurt. Looking ahead in time I know I will have one regret, Why I never called you mine? Why we ne

Not a single heart is meant to stay broken forever. Broken hearts are just another reason why we go in search of love or why we don't go for searching at all. I say, you should go. You have to put yourself out there because you have to find love for no one else but you. The thing is, when your heart is shattered into pieces, when the pain is unbearable.. You always find a way. A way to get yourself out of that misery, a way to make your heart stronger, a way to be new version of you. You build your walls higher than before. One brick at a time and those bricks represent all those tears your eyes lost, all those heart aches and everything that made you feel lost in the first place. But no matter how high you build your walls, there is always that one person which can make those walls disappear just after looking in your eyes. And trust me, you wouldn't think twice to let it all fall down to the ground... Even if he is the reason why you had your guards up. Because he, my darling

Hello everyone! Haven't posted in a while and I am sorry for that. So that is why in this blog you will see a poem. For someone who is far away from me but still, I can sense his presence, for someone who doesn't know me yet but hoping that someday he will, for someone who made me the happiest girl and for someone who is loved... YOU. I remember that time when I had no idea of your existence, when I was unaware of love, of hope, and unaware of faith and miracles. Then one day was enough, to let me know that it exists, to make me realize that happiness exists, in many ways, in small things.    Like chirping of birds in the morning, and watching sunsets in eve. That could fill any heart with joy, with a smile on face which could last a lifetime. But for me, I've found my happiness within you. your voice, your eyes, your smile My way for happiness is you and luckily, my destination too.                                                                 

We all have one moment of weakness and if you are someone like me… that moment changes your life forever. In fact, it changes ‘you’ forever. I had that. So many times, when I was surrounded by him or his thoughts. And trust me, you have to learn how to survive that. To be honest, I learned but it was kind of difficult. It took a lot of time and I lost one thing while surviving through this love game while learning to swim without any surety of being successful. It was 'swim or drown' kind of situation. I learned to swim but like I said I lost something. I lost the old me. Forever. So, given below is a letter I wrote after realizing the power I got after losing ‘her’. It’s the letter for him. Just to let him know how he made the biggest mistake of his life by hurting one little thing inside my mind. Dear Player,       The old me was somewhere deep inside shallow part of my heart and last night I destroyed her. I killed her. I killed a part of me, the innocent one to be