i hope so too.

Hurts, doesn't it? To end the chapter you wanted to keep rereading, you wanted to keep writing, you wasted too much energy on that now you don't even have energy to flip the page? I think the answer, even though we all know it already, doesn't really matter. It shouldn't matter. Why be stuck in place if you have a whole world out there that's waiting for you to show the things you've have never seen before? I guess for me, it was because I found everything I was looking for in him.. When I looked at him, it didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. But Why take the reckless fall even after knowing how many stitches your heart is going to get in the end? Maybe because I wanted to feel the pain. The pain that would make me go down on my knees, praying for this to end, praying for this to just stop...stop for a minute and go numb and feel nothing at all. Maybe I wanted to feel the pain because I thought it would make me hate him. But how can I hate him if it was me who was responsible for every mistake, for every stolen glance, for holding onto every string of false hope that was weighing me down...? 

Sometimes the truth comes out in the places and at the time we could never imagine, it takes you both by surprise, keeps you wondering about why you said anything at all.. Why you didn't take this secret to the grave with you.. 

But I hope he understands there was a reason why I said what I said and how I meant every single word of it.. 

I hope someday somehow he finds out how my heart, in that moment, really felt... 

I hope so too... 

I remember the day very well

The first time my eyes caught you smiling, 

I swear my heart skipped a beat

Until then, it never believed in love at first sight. 

Weeks went by, 

So did so many expectations my heart kept hoping. 

I was helplessly mesmerized by your beauty, 

Couldn't hear my own heart aching. 

I knew I had to pull away 

Before I fall in too deep

Before I break my own heart

And have no one else to blame but me. 

Was aware of the truth already, 

You never looked at me the way I wanted you to. 

But I had to tell you everything, 

Needed to move on without what ifs and stop thinking about the 'almost'. 

You shouldn't be sorry 

For something you never felt, 

It was all my fault

It was me who dreamed about what we could have been. 

Sometimes wrong time plays it's part, 

Even with the right one, love acts so cruel. 

You said, I hope you understand

I whispered, I hope so too...