Dear 2023...

Dear 2023,

        You’ve been one hell of a ride. You have taught me how to grieve and put the pieces back together, to take a step back when it’s necessary… how it’s okay to be vulnerable and that it doesn’t make you weak. 

        You taught me a lot about love, loss and finding myself, about how I should not have to compromise my asks just because someone thinks they are too much. They aren’t. You taught me that the perspective I have matters a lot. Sometimes, losing the battle you spent two years fighting can only be won when you give up. So, that's what I did. I see the light now. The moonlight did guide me home, but sadly it wasn’t supposed to come with me. But the presence stays, like a stain or a promise... I'm not so sure anymore. 

        Here I am, celebrations, small wins, a life-changing heartbreak and a newfound happiness later… I was wrong. That boy not being my ‘one’ was not the end of the world. In fact, him not being the ‘one’ was where my story began. This is a beginning. A crisp, warm start to compliment the thunderstorms I have had to get up from past July. 

        Saying goodbye to you feels like being on the train back from the war. I can sigh now and not think of what anyone thinks of me. I got closer to my family and have friends I could rely on. I have people in my life who make me want to be a better person, and I can see why you had to snatch that boy away from me… I can see what I deserve and what I don’t.

        The love I was giving was going to the wrong place. A lost fairy-tale. But then again, I also learned that I will never ever regret falling in love with that boy. He was just what I needed this past year, a lesson. A chapter I had high hopes for. A love I would have never let go. I am not scared of loving the wrong person, it teaches you a lot about what you want and don’t want. But I am terrified of him never realizing just what mess he made, of how much of a hell I went through that at one point, the bathroom floor and silent sobs were the only feeling and sound I knew. He has to know, right? He needs to know.

        

        I have let that responsibility unfold itself. Burying myself with another thought of him seems like a waste of my time. The void he left stays. And it will stay for a long time but that’s okay. I do love him still. You can’t unlove a person. But I am not in love with him anymore. 2023, you pushed me to walk away. You closed the door on my face and every window is tainted. For that, I should hate you, right?

But no, I don’t hate you. All I am for you is only grateful. 

Yours,

Mansi.