the perfect shade of honey brown



There are times when I could feel your presence slipping away from my life a bit by bit and I don't try to stop it. I just let it leave, tell myself if it meant to stay, it will. There are times where I almost let you go but then, I recall begging for your name to be written on every page of this story of my life, I know how bad the idea of losing you tore me apart, I saw how seeing you leave made my whole existence feel very little, if not nothing at all. So, I believe there are going to be moments where I will grieve over letting you go without ever getting the right chance to love you and moments where I will be grateful for your absence. As time passes, I realize how much of an impact you made on my life, how in such a short while you gave me a lifetime to look forward to. 

There are still some things that left unsaid, words that made me feel closer to you when you were miles away. I write about the things that will never be heard, things that will always survive and never be forgotten. So, If you ever tell me to write about you, I will write about every way you have captured my heart, about every single breath I have forgotten to take because I was too busy looking at you, about how your eyes always say a hundred words more than your mouth ever would. I will write about how beautiful you are, how I am under your spell and how I don’t ever wish to wake up from the dream where I have you by my side. I will write about your honey brown eyes, and your sweet smile and the times where I could swear I would have died if only I could go back in time and replay our shared jokes and stories and memories again and again. If you ever told me to write about you, I will not be able to write anything else but you, all you.

And I want to feel loved because when I look at you I can see myself loving you until the end of the time and it’s a beautiful feeling. So beautiful that sometimes I am scared of the things I would do for you. Love is a four-letter word but the amount of weight it carries so lightly makes me wonder what it must feel like to be loved by someone like that. Like they would do absolutely anything just to feel your presence beside them, like they would sail the oceans just to see you smile, like they would shed a thousand tears just to hear you laugh… I wonder what it would feel like to be a home for someone who never felt the belongingness in this world. I wonder if I will ever find that kind of intimacy. Life has been so cruel to me in this manner, I feel as if I will never be loved that way. So, I lock my heart away behind the walls I have built so high in the fear of regretting falling in love with the wrong person. But when I look at you, your eyes, just the perfect shade of honey brown… I swear I can feel the walls melting beneath your gaze, I can feel my heart begging me to let you in, I can see myself loving you with no regrets.

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