Frozen Words

As she sat there, watching the thunderstorm show its rage as if it has been bottling it all up for ages... she knew there is nowhere else she would rather be, no place else that would make her feel as alive as seeing the lighting close the distance between the sky and the ground does. At that moment, she was typing on her laptop, furiously... Someone might say she was trying to match the fury of thunder... the way she was looking at it, the night never roared so loud. She hasn't witnessed anything as chaotically beautiful as tonight ever before. Perhaps she felt so belonged to this menacing weather because it felt familiar. That's how she's been feeling lately. Like a mess, a storm that doesn't know its purpose. Surely, creating destruction as it goes cannot be the only thing she's been put on earth for. There has to be more. There always is. and I think she's been questioning that, a lot. What is her purpose, to be here? Alive and well but lost in her own mind.

Loving you has been a constant high and losing you even though you were never mine to call was the lowest I have ever felt in my entire life. But even then, you did not ruin the idea of love for me. You are not a regret, a mistake, or a getaway. You are a place I called home, somewhere I would have stayed for a lifetime. You are the first and only person I loved with all the walls down. This is never going to happen again. This kind of innocent, vulnerable love was meant only for you. You took it with you when you walked away. And yet, I am glad you did. I am glad it was you whom I loved with my heart on fire. I never seemed to mind being under your spell. I am glad that I could say, ‘this boy with honey-brown eyes and a kind smile is the one I would do anything for.’… Even then, even now, always. I am glad you were that one person who showed me just how much love I had left to give, the love I failed to give to myself. I am glad I had to let you go. It hurts still. From time to time

They say, “memories last a lifetime” and at the same time, “nothing lasts forever”… I don’t think that’s true at all. I think, every single thing that has made an impact on you, even for a short while, will live with you until someone makes you a star in the night sky just because they miss you too much. You take those memories, those people sometimes as a hope to keep moving forward or sometimes as a burden over your shoulder that you just can’t seem to shake.  Which one of these was he for me? My indecisiveness yet again makes its way through the things I was so sure about just yesterday. We were good, he and I. The ones who rarely used WhatsApp became used to that ‘ping’ sound, and the girl who believed in sparks became the one to deny it and for what? Because it was too good to be true, because it seemed so effortless… It was the easiest thing I ever came across, talking to him. And so, the fear of ruining it all got in the way. I didn’t try to fight it. I guess I should have gone

Have you ever crossed paths with someone who made you let go of everything you ever believed in? Someone who taught you newer definitions of the emotions you never dreamed to live? Someone who could have been the one… only if the timing was right? The ‘wrong’ time can feel like an excuse sometimes. I swear to God, for me it does feel like something that shouldn’t matter but it does. Timing does matter. Not to be the sadistic version who blames the time but it’s true and you know that in your heart too. Now, on the bright side, I think that there comes a point in your life when the timing is right, when that won’t be an obstacle anymore. And the ones who are patient enough to survive and create a life with just one corner reserved for their “the one”, do get the right chance.  I think of that when I am writing about you, about us, about the I love you I almost said. You are not my soulmate, I tell myself. Though, you are a part of me I do not know how to live without. You feel very fami

I believe, at least once in your life, you find someone who you feel connected to like you’ve known them all along. The flicker of a past life lingers in the back of your mind and hope for a future where both of your lives mend together, always keeps you breathing. This is what it feels like to know you. Like you were there when I was ten and playing hide and seek with my friends, you were there to tell me it will be all right when I was twelve and my friend didn’t invite me to a birthday party, you were there to help me take it one step at a time, until the day we finally met… For every moment that has shaped me into who I am today, you were a huge part of it. Even if we didn’t know each other until last year, there was a sense, there was your presence making a way through the walls I’ve built, oh so very quietly. So, when I say you are important to me, know that I mean every word of it. Life has a way of being cruel to the kindest souls. I have come to a theory that maybe it is a g

Someone I know recently asked me, “So, what’s the end of this story?” and it got me thinking… Is there one? Are we flipping through the last few pages of your chapter in this story of my life? Is this it? I would be lying if I say I never thought about this before. Of course, I thought about how my life would fall apart if you walk away, how every dream that started with you will be deserted… and I don’t want to suffer this much because I have survived too long with this, came too far. And letting you go will be the hardest thing I will have to do, no matter how long I would be preparing for it.  And so, I decide not to interrupt. The timing is wrong and maybe, just maybe that is a good thing right now. I try to think about us in some parallel universe where all of this is not so complicated and confusing. Where you are the ease I need, a safe place and your presence is something that belongs to me and me alone. It is easy to get lost in those sweet false hopes that I wonder if there i