Frozen Words

As she sat there, watching the thunderstorm show its rage as if it has been bottling it all up for ages... she knew there is nowhere else she would rather be, no place else that would make her feel as alive as seeing the lighting close the distance between the sky and the ground does. At that moment, she was typing on her laptop, furiously... Someone might say she was trying to match the fury of thunder... the way she was looking at it, the night never roared so loud. She hasn't witnessed anything as chaotically beautiful as tonight ever before. Perhaps she felt so belonged to this menacing weather because it felt familiar. That's how she's been feeling lately. Like a mess, a storm that doesn't know its purpose. Surely, creating destruction as it goes cannot be the only thing she's been put on earth for. There has to be more. There always is. and I think she's been questioning that, a lot. What is her purpose, to be here? Alive and well but lost in her own mind....

They say, “memories last a lifetime” and at the same time, “nothing lasts forever”… I don’t think that’s true at all. I think, every single thing that has made an impact on you, even for a short while, will live with you until someone makes you a star in the night sky just because they miss you too much. You take those memories, those people sometimes as a hope to keep moving forward or sometimes as a burden over your shoulder that you just can’t seem to shake.  Which one of these was he for me? My indecisiveness yet again makes its way through the things I was so sure about just yesterday. We were good, he and I. The ones who rarely used WhatsApp became used to that ‘ping’ sound, and the girl who believed in sparks became the one to deny it and for what? Because it was too good to be true, because it seemed so effortless… It was the easiest thing I ever came across, talking to him. And so, the fear of ruining it all got in the way. I didn’t try to fight it. I guess I should have g...

I believe, at least once in your life, you find someone who you feel connected to like you’ve known them all along. The flicker of a past life lingers in the back of your mind and hope for a future where both of your lives mend together, always keeps you breathing. This is what it feels like to know you. Like you were there when I was ten and playing hide and seek with my friends, you were there to tell me it will be all right when I was twelve and my friend didn’t invite me to a birthday party, you were there to help me take it one step at a time, until the day we finally met… For every moment that has shaped me into who I am today, you were a huge part of it. Even if we didn’t know each other until last year, there was a sense, there was your presence making a way through the walls I’ve built, oh so very quietly. So, when I say you are important to me, know that I mean every word of it. Life has a way of being cruel to the kindest souls. I have come to a theory that maybe it is a g...

I once compared him to the moonlight. The way it never fails to amuse me. There's always a sense of 'you can lean on me and tell me your secrets' to it. And I don't think I would be able to survive so long with all my secrets bottled up inside this heart of mine, most of which belongs to him from the very beginning... The moonlight was there to tell me that I don't have to keep it all in, that I can break down and be naïve and fall in love with all the wrong people and still, that won't change the way I love, that won't make me weak. I think darkness is overrated. We give it too much attention and it doesn't have to be this way. I was a completely different person when he came into my life. He helped me a lot and he doesn't even know it. There were a lot of moments where I knew this spark between us is meant to turn into fire and burn everything to the ground and I can see it still. Sometimes too bright that I am afraid of all the things we would d...

It happened As slowly as spring gives itself into the fall It happened As lightly as snow falls on the ground The thing is It was not supposed to happen He was not meant to be the one Who sweeps me off my feet He was not meant to be The only one who makes me the happiest He was supposed to be still As still as an island far away from one's sight He was supposed to stay hidden Like a wish I made but never told it to the stars Instead He was a river Flowing and flowing and never letting anything stop him He was the face I saw When I used to talk about the things I'd love to write about He was the calm waves every sunrise would bring in He was everything I told myself to stay away from And yet I couldn't That was my fault His magnetic force attracting Every fibre, every drop of blood in my body And I could not say no I couldn't look in those eyes And see nothing because There was always something there Something so wrong yet right So wild ye...

It was either him or no one at all. Every morning, a part of me would wish to get a text from him, anything that will let me know that he thought about me, that I crossed his mind. I swear to god, everything was so much easier when we were almost together. We never confessed our feelings, never gave a name to whatever we were, never tried to define it. We both thought we had time… we thought we will figure this out and that it all will be okay. The end was unexpected, unprepared for. I could never wrap my head around almost having him and then losing it all in the blink of an eye. I hate how he took it like it was nothing at all, I'm not sure if this hurt him too and he doesn't know about the heart-wrenching pain I had to go through, alone. We both were hiding our misery and as it turns out, we both are good at it. If this goes on like this, him, pretending nothing ever happened and I, typing down everything I want to scream at him… we both will bury our half-written story unde...

Time is a funny thing, isn’t it? I am a firm believer that everything comes to you at the right time and I think that is the only thing that keeps my head held up high and my heart safe. If I never knew about this ‘right time’, I never would have understood why some events took place in my life, why things that broke my heart also gave me a nudge that I needed to move forward. I read so many quotes about how time heals everything. I think that’s not true. In a sense? Yes. I think as time passes, many things in your life lead you to be the stronger person with a tough heart that has its doors locked and windows slightly opened. As time passes, everything just makes sense and even though, it doesn’t end the pain, it sure does help you to numb it. The following poem is called ‘Time to Time’. It’s about how I, even though I know I shouldn’t, still think about him. like he’s a place I can’t escape, a book that doesn’t end or a poem that is so beautifully complex that I have reread it over...

Isn't it nice that you can love someone for who they are? Like, you know they won't be perfect because no one is. But for you, that person is just everything you ever wanted to complete your life. There are times when you feel like that person might not be the one, that he might hurt you one day but then your heart tells you that it's never going to happen because he is the one. He is what you will need at the darkest times, on the brightest day. He is the only one who will be there when you are at your worst and when you are at your best. It's wonderful how your heart can be so sure of something that your mind has doubts about. Someone I really love once said, "No matter what, always listen to your heart. Because your mind knows everyone and everything but your heart knows only you." The following poem is something I wrote yesterday because I just had this sudden urge to tell him how much I want to hold my hopes high because of him and how bad I want to los...

I heard goodbyes are always bittersweet. They come without warning and live with us for the rest of our lives in our memories or maybe, if you are someone like me, they get out. Out of your mind, out of the bounds we set for that kind of pain. I heard people always find it hard to move on. It's natural. Of course, forgetting the memories, colour of his eyes or the way he made you smile is hard and your mind becomes so cruel in that period of time because it replays all the shattered broken promises. It replays the moments you don’t want to remember. The following poem is about how you realize that you are attached to him in every aspect of your life, how even changing your perspective won’t help you to move on, it’s about how you start to notice every the detail in nature just to take your mind off him but even that reminds you of him. The following poem is something that happens when your heart decides to go against your mind and keeps him forever within. ALMOST. The...

A few days back, I was going through an old file I kept with all the letters to my future self and while reading those, I felt like this is crazy. A good kind of crazy. I mean, did I know that there will come a time when I will need those words I wrote a year ago without knowing anything about where I will be in a year or so? It feels really amazing to read it now, feels like I knew I am going to need this. That is when I got the idea to write a poem for the 'old' me. Now, I am 18. So, as a teenager, there are many things which could've gone wrong, which changed me completely. But I want to thank that me who went through everything and still stayed true to herself. There are many things I wish I knew before, many things I wish I told myself but that doesn't mean I regret not knowing them at that time. I listed a few things in the poem below. Things I want her to know, things I want her to believe, things I want her to see and things I wanted her to feel. Dear Old Me...

This is for the ones who are not here anymore. For the ones who gave you so many memories, for the ones who shared million laughs with you and the ones who were there standing by your side. Losing someone is never easy. At that time, you want to hold onto false hope that maybe this all is just a lie. You hope that this is just a nightmare. And you don't believe the truth. Your mind already knows it but your heart never wants to accept it. But then after a while it hits you. So hard. And you just stare at nothing replaying every single time you saw that someone, every single thing you talked about. You read the old texts, you see the call history, you look for them in crowd even after knowing that it's of no use, you look at the stars and wish so many times for them to come back but you know the truth and trust me, you will accept it... it just takes time.  See, after accepting the truth, you start to notice their presence in your heart. You start to realize that they never lef...

Do you ever think about everything that has not happened like you wanted it to? You had high hopes from this person and that hope just crashed down on the ground shattering in million pieces. And you are too tired to pick it up, to make an effort one more time, to let that someone know that you are still there, for them. But even after everything, you never stop hoping. Because it's what keeps us alive. Hope gives us reason to believe on something unbelievable. I think hope makes us happy and sad at the time. Here's the poem I wrote for him. Even though he have no idea that it's for him but it's alright. Because I'm hoping that one day he will. I hope that one day he will know what I wanted to say but couldn't. I hope that one day this poem will let him know my heart's unsaid words. The Hope. Loving you is beautiful, A beautiful kind of tragedy. Sometimes I wish I could get away from you, But the hope of 'us' won't let me quit. I look at th...

Do we always have to name everything we do? Everything we feel? Or is it okay not to give a title, a headline to the most unforgettable thing in your life? Is it okay just to make memories and leave it at that? Because I think it would be a beautiful combination of love and pain, of a day and starry sky, of daydream and nightmare. I think it's a beautiful moment to just to be by that someone's side, just to feel their presence. I think it is painfully beautiful to be lovers without the name. "Name" We never got a name for us Never let words explain you & me, Just kept calling out lies Hiding truths, we loved secretly. Those long walks Needed no words, just you by my side. Fingers dying to entwine,  Your eyes looking like a book I should not read. Because we knew, This won't go anywhere. We will make memories and promises, And still, end up getting hurt. Looking ahead in time I know I will have one regret, Why I never called you mine? Why we ne...

Not a single heart is meant to stay broken forever. Broken hearts are just another reason why we go in search of love or why we don't go for searching at all. I say, you should go. You have to put yourself out there because you have to find love for no one else but you. The thing is, when your heart is shattered into pieces, when the pain is unbearable.. You always find a way. A way to get yourself out of that misery, a way to make your heart stronger, a way to be new version of you. You build your walls higher than before. One brick at a time and those bricks represent all those tears your eyes lost, all those heart aches and everything that made you feel lost in the first place. But no matter how high you build your walls, there is always that one person which can make those walls disappear just after looking in your eyes. And trust me, you wouldn't think twice to let it all fall down to the ground... Even if he is the reason why you had your guards up. Because he, my darling...

Hello everyone! Haven't posted in a while and I am sorry for that. So that is why in this blog you will see a poem. For someone who is far away from me but still, I can sense his presence, for someone who doesn't know me yet but hoping that someday he will, for someone who made me the happiest girl and for someone who is loved... YOU. I remember that time when I had no idea of your existence, when I was unaware of love, of hope, and unaware of faith and miracles. Then one day was enough, to let me know that it exists, to make me realize that happiness exists, in many ways, in small things.    Like chirping of birds in the morning, and watching sunsets in eve. That could fill any heart with joy, with a smile on face which could last a lifetime. But for me, I've found my happiness within you. your voice, your eyes, your smile My way for happiness is you and luckily, my destination too.                   ...