The Half-Written Story.

It was either him or no one at all. Every morning, a part of me would wish to get a text from him, anything that will let me know that he thought about me, that I crossed his mind. I swear to god, everything was so much easier when we were almost together. We never confessed our feelings, never gave a name to whatever we were, never tried to define it. We both thought we had time… we thought we will figure this out and that it all will be okay. The end was unexpected, unprepared for. I could never wrap my head around almost having him and then losing it all in the blink of an eye. I hate how he took it like it was nothing at all, I'm not sure if this hurt him too and he doesn't know about the heart-wrenching pain I had to go through, alone.

We both were hiding our misery and as it turns out, we both are good at it. If this goes on like this, him, pretending nothing ever happened and I, typing down everything I want to scream at him… we both will bury our half-written story underneath the same old scars that bleed once in a while. He and I will be another scar that never healed, that will always haunt me in the middle of nights with its 'what ifs'.

If I really think about it… what could have gone so wrong that I had to give up on the one perfect guy I found? Maybe I was sick of holding onto him when I knew it will end just like anything else, any love I have ever given and felt… with an abrupt ending. Maybe I didn't want him out of my life, ever… maybe I thought if I love him in secret, he will stick around, he will love me too. Sometimes, not knowing the answer saves you from a knee-deep misery you would never survive. That's why I decided to keep it all to myself. So that he will think I am not someone who dwells on the past, on the memories that were only the beginning of a beautiful fairytale…

I dedicated too many songs to him... from the moment I first realized his presence feels more familiar than I wanted it to, to the moment where I realized I loved him and there was no way he will know about it, no way he will ever find out. What hurts the most is, even now, every time I look at him, there's a spark… something we both don't know how to put an end to. So, I am convinced that this is always going to be a story I won't be able to close.

I can just leave, with no goodbye, without any reason. I think he won't say or do anything. And that's the worst part. What if he doesn't care? What if I was no more than a passing stranger, someone he shared a few laughs with and that's that?

He knows very well the kind of power he holds over me. But he won't ever say it out loud. He is always going to be someone I could never get over, no matter how many times I fall in love after him.

He is always going to be an almost... an almost fairytale, an almost 'I could see myself spending the rest of my life with you'... He's always going to be a letter I would never send, an 'I love you' I would keep in my heart hidden, meant just for him.