Frozen Words

Have you ever crossed paths with someone who made you let go of everything you ever believed in? Someone who taught you newer definitions of the emotions you never dreamed to live? Someone who could have been the one… only if the timing was right? The ‘wrong’ time can feel like an excuse sometimes. I swear to God, for me it does feel like something that shouldn’t matter but it does. Timing does matter. Not to be the sadistic version who blames the time but it’s true and you know that in your heart too. Now, on the bright side, I think that there comes a point in your life when the timing is right, when that won’t be an obstacle anymore. And the ones who are patient enough to survive and create a life with just one corner reserved for their “the one”, do get the right chance.  I think of that when I am writing about you, about us, about the I love you I almost said. You are not my soulmate, I tell myself. Though, you are a part of me I do not know how to live without. You feel very ...

I believe, at least once in your life, you find someone who you feel connected to like you’ve known them all along. The flicker of a past life lingers in the back of your mind and hope for a future where both of your lives mend together, always keeps you breathing. This is what it feels like to know you. Like you were there when I was ten and playing hide and seek with my friends, you were there to tell me it will be all right when I was twelve and my friend didn’t invite me to a birthday party, you were there to help me take it one step at a time, until the day we finally met… For every moment that has shaped me into who I am today, you were a huge part of it. Even if we didn’t know each other until last year, there was a sense, there was your presence making a way through the walls I’ve built, oh so very quietly. So, when I say you are important to me, know that I mean every word of it. Life has a way of being cruel to the kindest souls. I have come to a theory that maybe it is a g...

Someone I know recently asked me, “So, what’s the end of this story?” and it got me thinking… Is there one? Are we flipping through the last few pages of your chapter in this story of my life? Is this it? I would be lying if I say I never thought about this before. Of course, I thought about how my life would fall apart if you walk away, how every dream that started with you will be deserted… and I don’t want to suffer this much because I have survived too long with this, came too far. And letting you go will be the hardest thing I will have to do, no matter how long I would be preparing for it.  And so, I decide not to interrupt. The timing is wrong and maybe, just maybe that is a good thing right now. I try to think about us in some parallel universe where all of this is not so complicated and confusing. Where you are the ease I need, a safe place and your presence is something that belongs to me and me alone. It is easy to get lost in those sweet false hopes that I wonder if the...

I loved him dearly. The way you love someone with no expectation. I would see him in front of me and that was enough. Knowing that he’s under the same roof as me, knowing that I can hear his laugh even from a distance was enough for me. He was enough for me. But I guess, there was always a want of more, a craving, kind of hunger that only his lips can bring to rest.  I don’t know how to exist without knowing how he is doing. His thought will forever be in the back of my mind, constantly trying to take over all the other thoughts I might have. The insane thing is, even though I know I deserve so much more than what he gives me, I am still stuck and drunk on the way he feels. It’s very comfortable, somehow familiar to me as if I have been here before… he feels like home. Even the complete silence by his side makes me want to dance around the room and smile… He makes me want to smile.  Is he even aware of how much I love him? I recall waking up to the best view, I recall waking u...

I once compared him to the moonlight. The way it never fails to amuse me. There's always a sense of 'you can lean on me and tell me your secrets' to it. And I don't think I would be able to survive so long with all my secrets bottled up inside this heart of mine, most of which belongs to him from the very beginning... The moonlight was there to tell me that I don't have to keep it all in, that I can break down and be naïve and fall in love with all the wrong people and still, that won't change the way I love, that won't make me weak. I think darkness is overrated. We give it too much attention and it doesn't have to be this way. I was a completely different person when he came into my life. He helped me a lot and he doesn't even know it. There were a lot of moments where I knew this spark between us is meant to turn into fire and burn everything to the ground and I can see it still. Sometimes too bright that I am afraid of all the things we would d...

It happened As slowly as spring gives itself into the fall It happened As lightly as snow falls on the ground The thing is It was not supposed to happen He was not meant to be the one Who sweeps me off my feet He was not meant to be The only one who makes me the happiest He was supposed to be still As still as an island far away from one's sight He was supposed to stay hidden Like a wish I made but never told it to the stars Instead He was a river Flowing and flowing and never letting anything stop him He was the face I saw When I used to talk about the things I'd love to write about He was the calm waves every sunrise would bring in He was everything I told myself to stay away from And yet I couldn't That was my fault His magnetic force attracting Every fibre, every drop of blood in my body And I could not say no I couldn't look in those eyes And see nothing because There was always something there Something so wrong yet right So wild ye...

It was either him or no one at all. Every morning, a part of me would wish to get a text from him, anything that will let me know that he thought about me, that I crossed his mind. I swear to god, everything was so much easier when we were almost together. We never confessed our feelings, never gave a name to whatever we were, never tried to define it. We both thought we had time… we thought we will figure this out and that it all will be okay. The end was unexpected, unprepared for. I could never wrap my head around almost having him and then losing it all in the blink of an eye. I hate how he took it like it was nothing at all, I'm not sure if this hurt him too and he doesn't know about the heart-wrenching pain I had to go through, alone. We both were hiding our misery and as it turns out, we both are good at it. If this goes on like this, him, pretending nothing ever happened and I, typing down everything I want to scream at him… we both will bury our half-written story unde...