Frozen Words

Someone I know recently asked me, “So, what’s the end of this story?” and it got me thinking… Is there one? Are we flipping through the last few pages of your chapter in this story of my life? Is this it? I would be lying if I say I never thought about this before. Of course, I thought about how my life would fall apart if you walk away, how every dream that started with you will be deserted… and I don’t want to suffer this much because I have survived too long with this, came too far. And letting you go will be the hardest thing I will have to do, no matter how long I would be preparing for it.  And so, I decide not to interrupt. The timing is wrong and maybe, just maybe that is a good thing right now. I try to think about us in some parallel universe where all of this is not so complicated and confusing. Where you are the ease I need, a safe place and your presence is something that belongs to me and me alone. It is easy to get lost in those sweet false hopes that I wonder if the...

I loved him dearly. The way you love someone with no expectation. I would see him in front of me and that was enough. Knowing that he’s under the same roof as me, knowing that I can hear his laugh even from a distance was enough for me. He was enough for me. But I guess, there was always a want of more, a craving, kind of hunger that only his lips can bring to rest.  I don’t know how to exist without knowing how he is doing. His thought will forever be in the back of my mind, constantly trying to take over all the other thoughts I might have. The insane thing is, even though I know I deserve so much more than what he gives me, I am still stuck and drunk on the way he feels. It’s very comfortable, somehow familiar to me as if I have been here before… he feels like home. Even the complete silence by his side makes me want to dance around the room and smile… He makes me want to smile.  Is he even aware of how much I love him? I recall waking up to the best view, I recall waking u...

I once compared him to the moonlight. The way it never fails to amuse me. There's always a sense of 'you can lean on me and tell me your secrets' to it. And I don't think I would be able to survive so long with all my secrets bottled up inside this heart of mine, most of which belongs to him from the very beginning... The moonlight was there to tell me that I don't have to keep it all in, that I can break down and be naïve and fall in love with all the wrong people and still, that won't change the way I love, that won't make me weak. I think darkness is overrated. We give it too much attention and it doesn't have to be this way. I was a completely different person when he came into my life. He helped me a lot and he doesn't even know it. There were a lot of moments where I knew this spark between us is meant to turn into fire and burn everything to the ground and I can see it still. Sometimes too bright that I am afraid of all the things we would d...

It happened As slowly as spring gives itself into the fall It happened As lightly as snow falls on the ground The thing is It was not supposed to happen He was not meant to be the one Who sweeps me off my feet He was not meant to be The only one who makes me the happiest He was supposed to be still As still as an island far away from one's sight He was supposed to stay hidden Like a wish I made but never told it to the stars Instead He was a river Flowing and flowing and never letting anything stop him He was the face I saw When I used to talk about the things I'd love to write about He was the calm waves every sunrise would bring in He was everything I told myself to stay away from And yet I couldn't That was my fault His magnetic force attracting Every fibre, every drop of blood in my body And I could not say no I couldn't look in those eyes And see nothing because There was always something there Something so wrong yet right So wild ye...

It was either him or no one at all. Every morning, a part of me would wish to get a text from him, anything that will let me know that he thought about me, that I crossed his mind. I swear to god, everything was so much easier when we were almost together. We never confessed our feelings, never gave a name to whatever we were, never tried to define it. We both thought we had time… we thought we will figure this out and that it all will be okay. The end was unexpected, unprepared for. I could never wrap my head around almost having him and then losing it all in the blink of an eye. I hate how he took it like it was nothing at all, I'm not sure if this hurt him too and he doesn't know about the heart-wrenching pain I had to go through, alone. We both were hiding our misery and as it turns out, we both are good at it. If this goes on like this, him, pretending nothing ever happened and I, typing down everything I want to scream at him… we both will bury our half-written story unde...

The sea looked inviting. I felt as if it was calling me, asking me if I wanted to join the waves. To tell you the truth, I wanted to jump and see if it feels as wonderful as it looks from the balcony of my room. I wanted to see if the sea would take me in and carry me safely or show me why many people fear its unpredictability. From where I was sitting, I could sense the fragility the sea held, no matter how much of a strength it presented to the world. One wave carrying the other and so on, it was a sight to watch. It is something you can never get tired of looking at. It felt as if each wave carried a thought of mine with it and that felt good, seeing the reflection of my mind instead of my face was something I would want to experience more often. The endlessness this sea holds is so powerful. I think the ocean drowns far more desires than the darkness ever could. Maybe that’s why it is feared. This unpredictability of the sea should be complimented. It is a living proof that ...

Here's the thing, this is all new to me. A sense, something far more than I can understand. There were so many things that could have gone wrong, so many moments I would have easily missed if I had chosen to stay home, to not show up… But it all worked out perfectly. I am still wondering how the hell did I end up here. I never pictured myself adoring someone so much, I did not know I had this much love left to give, to share, to create laughter and memories with. To be brutally honest, I am not someone who enjoys being in one place, belong to anyone else than herself. I hate it. I always did. But I guess, there's this freedom that you brought along, something that never made me feel obligated to do anything I don't want to, to live my life and just know that you will be there and that made you different from everyone else I have met before. And more familiar than I could ever imagine. I don't like to let people in my life. I have been hurt before and yes, building a...